My Federal Diary

Giving our opinions and party platforms about financial matters (we could have mailed them in for all the difference it made to the audience) we then entertained few questions. But the C of C did their civic duty and the press was there. At least I was in Trenton and could pick up some necessary forms from the DRO so the trip was worthwhile.

some worthy comments: you guess who uttered them! 

• "we don't need money, it's only worth sixty cents anyway"
• "The debt's not a problem my grandchildren will probably choke before then, pollution is the #1 problem now"
• "I see the Northumberland riding as a business challenge"
• "Take our platform it forms the basis for the liberal budget"
• "I don't like to yell because it's not nice"
• "You may have free education in Cuba but I'd rather live here"
• "We want to put the money back in the hands of those who sent it there"
• "Cows are farting and destroying the ozone layer" 
• "You said no major parties cared about the environment!", "I said Major parties" (she said he said)

• Macklin up first, he actually admitted to being a member of the Liberal Party and even boasted about some of the programmes. Some members of the audience did object about some of his lines. "We are following the Liberal Path" - "Hogwash!" Anyway extolling Canadian values and tax cuts for all he finished to applause when he claimed credit for solving the LLRW problem.
• Gail Thompson (CAP) up next spent a large part of her time explaining what the CAP is and rambled off to oblivion with a Free Trade rant. Those nasty Americans are coming up to get us and our goodies!
• Zarboni started off by reciting the looong list of broken liberal promises and continued to say that because we can't trust Jean Chretien and the people don't like him we should all vote for. who? Joe Who that's who. He did get the clap when he said "Liberal MP's sit at the the back of the class and have to raise their hands to go to the bathroom" and "Liberal policy is carved in ice and you look around and it melts." Deriding the Alliance "The lord alone knows what to expect from them"
• Up jumps Tom Lawson the showman! Screwing the radio audience he tried to speak without the microphone. His good lines: "If you hear anything resembling a promise coming from me have the common sense not to believe me!" Although he did get his comeuppance when he said, "I know perfectly well I am not going to get elected" a loud voice shouted back "Then why are you wasting your time?"

• Bringing up the rear was the Alliance guy, a nice called Rick Norlock. I suspect that he really doesn't believe a lot of the anti-social parts of the platform. He also bashes the Liberals. "Stockwell Day will do for Canada what he has done in Alberta".

• "What level of priority will your part place on the replacement of infrastructure?" Duh.
• Gail got slapped between the eyes with this one she admitted afterwards to me that she doesn't understand 'infrastructure'
• Norlock says that he would lift the fuel tax. How will that fix roads Rick?
• Lawson starts off on a familiar refrain "We have the wrong emphasis, we should not be building things not the industry"
• "If elected what would you do about Corporate Income Tax?" (do we see a pattern here?)
• Everybody parroted party lines. I even got away with saying Corporations don't pay enough tax.
• "The Federal surplus is 11.9 billion dollars how would you allocate between: debt reduction, tax reduction, and programme spending." What are we economists, NO so what do we all do? spin the pages of our briefing books and read out policy. Booooring!
• It does give Paul M (the Liberal) a chance to boast about how only the liberals fixed the system and gave us the surplus ('fess up Paul what did you destroy to get there?)
• Guess who said "Surplus is minuscule compared to the debt"? [Norlock]
• But the most confused answer came from, yes you got it, the CAP. "Money's not my favourite topic but I'll try anyway" and "Why isn't there enough money? - the banks have taken it all" and the capper "I'd cancel it and then we don't have a debt". This one got applause.
• Then a question about Economic Development
• And then the questions got real: "How would you fund the Arts and the CBC?"
• "Wealthy people will donate money and grants to the Arts Council and we will keep the CBC" guess who?
• I got a good reception when I talked about the CBC being the glue that keeps the country together.
• "American tourists love the CBC with a passion" guess who?
• Then the question that Tom Lawson was waiting for, "What is your position on GLobal Warming and the environment?"
• Tom went wild, Paul tried to defend a reversal of the Kyoto commitment and Norlock didn't say much and I hammered the Liberals.
• A question about social services allowed Gail (CAP) to say, 'It's not a laughing matter if you work as a slave, see if you like it!"
• Now a real question, "What is your position on the GST?"
• We all said that it should be phased out"
• But the BIG question, "What is your position on 'Family Values'?" This question is where the reform position is isolated, ("family values is a marriage between a man and a woman, the Charter of Rights protects other points of views"). I do sympathise with Rick Norlock, a decent guy who I believe has trouble with the Alliance Party's platform. But the platform does give everybody the chance to explain how minority rights can only be protected by not having referendum questions about them. But this time around everybody was sailing along stating their case when Ralph Z., a business man who obviously has not had to deal with the minefields of language and vocabulary, managed to describe non-traditional marriage partners as "abnormal" - "An inclusive society has to deal with the abnormal!" was the exact quote. Needless to say he got a round of groans and probably didn't even understand why. Ralph hire me to be your diversity coach and you won't make that mistake again.
• A question about the $
• Now the other big one - referendums (referenda). Again all against the Alliance. A good discussion and Tom quoted poetry again.

So on to the next meeting - Colborne 22nd 

• I arrived at the hall early and proceeded to chat with some of the folks I recognised, I then stationed myself by the door and proceeded to hand out my flyers, "Hi how are you? I'm Ben Burd the NDP candidate", as I thrust a pamphlet into their hand. Being canadians most people barely looked me in the eye and took the leaflet. All except some obnoxious man, he looked like an insurance agent, who proceeded to be very rude and standing close proceeded to snarl at me, through blurred eyes. "I'm with Joe, Im a taxpayer and you represent the tax-takers" I'm sorry you feel that way sir" "I'm with the taxpayer not a tax-taker". Not having enough time to engage in mortal combat I just mentioned "And who would those people be, sir?" "Those people on welfare and those who don't pay tax, I pay tax and there's too many who don't". Fully satiated he staggered off and I continued to hand out pamphlets. 
• An interesting vignette took place when Paul Macklin's entourage appeared. Rick Norlock, the immaculate ex-cop complete with cop's shiny shoes greeted him with "Oh you haven't met my wife yet, have you?" And escorted the Macklin pair over the meet the Norlock wife. This lady, not a blonde hair out of place, smiled her BIG pearly whites at Mrs Macklin and proceeded to make small talk. Oh the sophistication of political wives. All I could think of was my better half, those of you who know Doreen can just imagine her in the same position (yeah right!!), realistic and down to earth meeting the airs .
• The meeting started when the MC, a tall good looking guy with cowboy boots and a sports coat with natty shoulder patches, you know the kind, Texan, sat us down and we drew lots for the speaking order. Hey I got lucky #4.
• Started off with a good sign: all of us were greeted with the same polite applause, the cheering sections were not apparent - then.
• Gail Thompson up first CAP). In her singsong soft voice she proceeded to say what a wonderful place Warkworth was (applause) and proceeded to ramble on about any tangential position that Paul Hellyer might be thinking these days. The she ran out of words. "Oh I have two minutes left? I' better read some more!"
• Paul's turn. Regular readers will know that I have been wondering when he will admit to being a member of the Liberal Party. He did not disappoint me, he failed to mention it. Another ramble about his family history. I did learn that his grandPa lived in Warkworth before moving to found Macklinville, near Cobourg.
• Tom Lawson then proceeded to be Churchillian. "I don't need this mike, can everybody hear me?" and then put on the "Tom show."
• I followed Tom and proceeded to try to make a connection with the folks pulling out a piece of paper I had been saving for the occasion and explaining what it was. Unfortunately I had failed to account for the time it would take and lost the lost two paragraphs of my speech. Hey only I noticed.
• Ralph Zarboni came next and proceeded to explain, in great detail how the Tories were the only party that represented farmers. Alternately bashing Liberals and waving the "blue book" he proceeded to read an excellent farming related speech. For a city slicker who probably wouldn't be caught dead in rubber boots, nobody challenged him. "Only Tories have a plan (wave the book) the Alliance is vague!"
• Finally the Alliance guy, Rick Norlock, stepped up. Beating on the liberals for breaking promises he promised to put a sign over his door in Ottawa "Under promise, Over deliver!"
• The highlights of the meeting were
• "Why did the Liberals call the election early?" was directed to Paul Macklin. "That's a good question and it deserves a good answer" Some people did not consider his answer to be that good!
• A heated discussion took place after the question, "What is your position on allowing referenda on Human Rights topics?" Only the Alliance, who weaseld his way into an answer, "The Alliance supports 'citizen initiatives' and the Charter of Rights" was against the non-use of referenda to put the boots to the minorities. One fellow, from Brighton (who has been an angry man for many years) made the statement, after hearing all the candidates declare that many complex issues can only be dealt with by MPs and not reduced to simple answers "You [up there] must think that we are all idiots" We did not respond but I can tell you I think he is!!
• Another tricky question for everybody except the Alliance (and me, I squirmed out of it by quoting party policy) was the question "Do you support traditional marriages?" Tom Lawson even quoted poetry in his answer (Harrison)
• A few farming questions were lobbed, mainly to embarrass Macklin because the Liberals had cut out various programmes, none were too damaging or interesting.
• The came the zinger. "Why won't the Alliance and the Conservatives unite?" Zarboni replied that the tories will never do such a thing and Nortlock said "Sure why not we are inclusive" However in his defence of the tory position Zarboni declared that there is a party on the left, one on the right and two in the middle, the liberals and the tories. To which Norlock retorted "There are two parties in the middle, either way you are still in the middle!" Tom Lawson differed. "It is not left or right, it is big or small"
• One fellow from the audience was so worked up by his opposition to the Free Trade situation that he didn't even have time to ask his question and was sent packing by the MC.
• Wrapping it up, Gail Thompson of the Canada Action Party led off by exclaiming that she had not been asked one question  by the audience. (Well Gail I guess they have to understand what it is you are saying before they can ask anything about it.) Ralph in one of his answers had referred to the job status of all the of the candidates and not knowing what she did he call her a "lady". She in her wrap-up derided him and then appealed to the audience " Come on women you know that without us women counselling each other the men wouldn't know what to do!" It got a big laugh.

• The day after the Port hope High School All candidate's meeting. 21/2 hours of waiting for the Liberal candidate to say something that can be identified as being Liberal Party material. I have listened to Paul Macklin twice now and I can predict that he will never say the words "My leader Jean Chretien"
• Doug (my trusty campaign guide) and I drove over to Port Hope for the All candidates meeting. Make a note to yourself - never go anywhere in a car that has just been undercoated, not only does it stink but it may be dangerous to sniff the fumes (well before a meeting anyway). Greeted by some young fellow, wearing a trilby hat (I guess he had been watching too much DeGrassi High) who informed us of the rules and showed us the auditorium. Standing at the back I perused the room with the practised eye of a trained scribe and noticed who the keeners were and who was on a spare and who might have been in the wrong room. I noticed each speaker had been positioned behind a music stand (one for each of us). Asking how the speaking order (which determined the seating arrangements) was made, Matt replied "I drew it out of my hat" (I knew that the hat was for more than a fashion statement). I was up first.
• In these types of debates one never knows who is going to be snarly, who is going to pick upon whom and usually you react to first round of questions. So going first I was the guy with my head up first. Would the sniper shoot me now or later? So i explained why I wanted to be elected, why the NDP is different and sat down. 
• Up pops Tom Lawson, the Green party fellow, I agree with Ben but you know the NDP is old line and doomed. Oh, and so it went I felt like hulk hogan's partner in a tag team match, the green NDP candidate.
• The Canadian Action Party person, some woman called Gail Thompson, who is rumoured to be be bankrolled by Paul Hellyer, stepped up next. The only thing memorable about what she had to say was some rambling discourse about marijuana. I had been advised by the students from St. Mary's that the only thing to get the Port Hope students attention would be the legalisation of the stuff, I guess they were right, any mention of the weed would provoke a response. Ooops I had forgotten our party's policy!
• But in the debate it quickly became clear that I could score points by pointing out the Alliance platform as rigid and extreme, as well as driving Mr. Norlock nuts by pushing all my lefty positions. I guess this must be the first time that he has met a "loony lefty" who has answers.
• Paul Macklin was up next and again filled his time by completely ignoring the election campaign. This time he spoke about the virtues and history of "liberalism". In Campbellford, last week he spoke for 7 minutes about himself, the farm and Northumberland. When I told a friend of mine about this he replied "What do you expect; he's a lawyer and gets paid by the hour!"
• To cut a long story short it took one hour and forty-five minutes for Mr. Norlock to call me a Socialist. I'll have to do better in Warkworth thursday night. How can we entertain the farmers if they don't have the "S" word uttered thick and fast!